Random

I have been thinking a lot today about why I am so hard on myself. I push myself to be "perfect" in everything I do. I don't succeed, but I sure push myself.
I am so frustrated that some friends/family member are losing weight SO much more quickly than I am. I try to remind myself that I AM doing good - 60+ lbs so far in 10 months.... but one sister in law has lost 100 in 6 so it makes me feel like I must not be doing something right.
I got a calorie counter book (the Calorie King recommended by my cuz Alisa) and I LOVE it! I have been doing really good counting calories. I have been amazed to see how many calories are in things, as I have just gone by fat content my whole life! It is actually a lot of fun to do and I feel like I am making myself more accountable for what goes into my/my children's bodies now. We have always been fruit/veggie junkies - but I love thinking now - oh that medium banana is 105 calories, maybe I should add 1/4 cup almonds with it for another 150. Fun! (Yep, I am weird)
Anyhow... I am at a good weight now - not where I want to be, in fact I am 20 lbs from where I want to be. I wish I could just stop being so stressed out about it and enjoy it!!! I kind of feel like I am a ticking time bomb and that I have to lose this weight quick so I can enjoy it for a little while before I get pregnant again. I want to be REALLY healthy and thin this time so that I won't have as much to lose when the pregnancy is over - it really makes the first year more fun if you aren't constantly weepy over being fat!!!
Anyhow - why am I so hard on myself? I don't know!!! It is weird. Whenever friends/family say they are dieting or trying to lose weight I can't figure out why, I always think everyone else looks awesome - except myself. Am I alone in this or is this pretty common? I just hope I can adjust my thinking and feel good about myself so that my 3 girls will have healthy body images!