Big Loser!

This is a current picture of me. I still feel REALLY fat here...

Is that sad... or true? Hmmmmm...

I just watched "Biggest Loser, where are they now". I was so inspired! It also made me feel really good about where I am and how I am personally doing in my own goal of health and fitness. I love how Bob was saying that you just have to find the balance and keep it up. Also, how he talked about how everyone struggles.


As a woman who has had eating disorders in her past, and who does NOT have a healthy body image, I am really working hard right now just to have a positive self image. I am currently 2 lbs from my healthy body weight and at 5' 9 3/4" I am tall enough that it isn't always as obvious how much weight I really have to lose. I am extremely hard on myself - but seeing things like the show tonight show me how happy and confident people can be no matter what size they are! Watching former contestants run a 1/2 marathon was also so inspiring for me! I want to do that sooo bad, and am working towards that goal currently!


The really funny thing - I NEVER notice weight on other people. When friends and relatives say anything about weight they want/need to lose I never understand why - I always think they look great. Why I can't feel the same about myself, I don't know. But I am working towards that!


Also, Bob said to one of the former Biggest Loser winners that he had lost 200 lbs in the past - he obviously knew HOW to lose weight. I thought about that... I have lost 280 or so (about 70lbs per pregnancy - 4 times!). Obviously I know HOW to lose weight too. I don't know why I have been so much more stressed about it this time around, or why I haven't just trusted myself like I usually do. That is over. I am going to go back to doing what I always have and be confident in myself that the weight will come off (and be gone by the time my baby is 9 months old - it always has) and stay off!. I am committing to myself to stop stressing and just trust in myself and my body!

Hot Cocoa....

I am a self confessed hot cocoa fanatic. I LOVE the stuff. I am trying to be good though and the other day when the kids came in from the cold and wanted hot cocoa I thought of a better idea --- sweet milk. Who knows, this might be a regular in others houses but I have never heard of it before, I just threw a few things together that sounded yummy. (I have heard before of people warming milk but the thought of it always made me sick....)

Sweet Milk
Warm a mug or milk in the microwave 1 minute
add 1 tsp or so vanilla and 1-2 tsp agave nectar.
stir and enjoy.

We actually all really love it even though I can't stand milk normally!

I think I will go make some more right now!

My Breakfast

This has been my breakfast the past few weeks! *LOVE*

1/2 C Quinoa with Agave Nectar! So delish! I cook a big batch on Saturday morning and then put it in tupperware bowls to warm up individual portions every morning! So fast and easy! Gotta love that! My kids all love it too!

Goal modifications

You will notice I changed the weight loss goal on my ticker at the top of my blog. I decided that my goal was not a good one. It was actually underweight for my height. My new goal is still near the bottom of my healthy weight range and I feel a much better goal for me at this point. After I get there I may decide to lose more.... but the main goal I have is to be healthy and strong - and I feel that my new goal weight reflects that goal better.

A little spice

I have rediscovered a favorite treat from my youth! I always chewed on cinnamon sticks while I was watching movies or reading. I have read a lot recently about how good cinnamon is for you and when I saw these in my cupboard the other day I decided to see if I still liked them as much as I used to! I do - and the great part, my kids hate them! Which means I can leave them out and they won't get eaten (unlike my almonds).

Last night's dinner!

Here is another super yummy and healthy recipe for you! My family all loved it!
I personally love Spaghetti Squash, but sometimes the Hubby just needs real pasta. We went with Whole Wheat and the sauce was amazing! Hope you like it!

Another weigh in day.....

This morning was weigh in.... I think I might stop doing this at all, it is discouraging. I didn't lose any weigh again.... I have been good with my eating and exercise BUT I haven't done my Jillian Michaels DVD's in over a week. My right arm and hand have been hurting really bad and I have a lump on my hand that I think I need to get checked out. So, that being my only hand - I don't want to hurt it even more with overuse lifting weights till I get it checked out.
Meanwhile, remember how I said I wasn't going to run? I tried walking on the treadmill and just got too bored and even switching up inclines and stuff didn't feel I was getting enough of a workout. So I have been running a couple miles a day and I think I am going to keep going on my training for a 10K. I am actually going to do the 1/2 marathon training schedule, but I think I will only run a 10K. I am really slow - more of a jog than a run - and although I intend to up my speed slowly I am not sure my knees will be able to handle the 13 miles on pavement. I figure a 10K is a good start to see how I like racing! It should be fun, plus I think I will be able to convince my hubby to do that with me!
I think for Christmas I am going to ask Santa for the metabolism I had at 16;) That would be a great gift, don't you think?

Yummy Salads

Being a really busy Mom means that often my wants are out the window. I have been making an effort to try to keep myself healthy, even though it requires a bit of extra work and better planning. While my kids don't love all the super healthy food (though they are better than lots of kids) I do. I have started making a few healthy lunches for myself on Sat or Monday to last the week. That way - being healthy is easy! I make the kids a cheese crisp or a PB and J while I chow down on sweet potato's, veggies and tofu stir fry with brown rice, etc. The kids sometimes prefer to eat my food - which is just fine with me!
I have a couple new recipes to share with you - they are awesome!!!!
Black Bean and Quinoa Salad - My Mom saw this recipe at the hairdresser and tried to remember it. We aren't sure if it is complete, but what we have is great!
Heart Asian Salad - From Trainer Momma's Blog! Great!

Balance

I have been thinking a lot lately about balance in my life.... it is not there at the moment. I have been spending a LOT of time on exercise and health, cleaning and cooking. I haven't been spending as much time as I should/ would like to on spirituality, kids, and friends/family.

I read This Post by a dear friend of mine and it really struck a chord with me. I lost all my baby weight fairly quickly by just walking an hour or so a day with all the other kids. This time I upped the intensity and obssess over it all the time and I really think that might be part of my problem.

I have decided I am going to try that for a little while and see what happens. I will walk every day (no more running for a little while...) and then do a Jillian video every other day. That is more balanced, and with 4 little kids - spending the 3 hours a day I have been on exercise is not balanced.

I feel very good about this decision. In a way it felt at first like I was "giving up" but really I am not. I am accepting that it is going to take time to lose the weight, but I am going to do it! I was on the tons of exercise and eating perfectly hoping to lose the weight super fast... but it hasn't happened. I will continue to eat well and exercise, just not in the obsessive way I have been.

Wish me luck!

Tired

Ok - this is not going to be the most motivational post... I am so tired of trying to lose weight. I have lost 60+ pounds 4 times (with each baby) and I am really excited to be done. I am also pretty excited to have a little break and just let my body rest.
I have been eating ok but exercise has not been where it should be. We are heading to Utah for my husbands Grandmas funeral so my week is shuffled around and I am trying to figure out where to fit my health into it.
The good news is I have been drinking a gallon of water a day and I really can tell a difference. The first day it was hard, but now it just feels great! I have always had a hard time staying hydrated so this is really good for me! I guess if nothing else I will keep doing that, eating as good as I can, and getting a few walks in here and there!
It is funny because I lost the weight from all the kids pretty easily just walking. This time I upped my workouts big time trying to speed it up, and it seems to be having the opposite effect. Interesting.

Thanksgiving weigh in!

So Thursdays are my weigh in days. I have never been so happy about that as when I woke up Thanksgiving morning! I thought, GREAT! I will weigh in and then be so excited about my weight loss eating good will be easy!
I gained a pound.
I was really sad! I have been working super hard and eating soooooo good.
But I didn't let it get me down! I still ate really good all day. I did give in and eat a piece of cheesecake for dinner.... but that was my only rough spot of the day! I was quite proud of myself and I think I will make it through the holidays just fine! Now If I could just start losing some weight....

I think I can, I think I can....

Wooo hooooooo! Guess what I found!!!!


So in celebration I ran to Wal-Mart and got these new DVD's to up my workout intensity...

Holy cow! I did the "No more Trouble Zones" b/c that is the one Alisa said was awesome. It is soooo great! I was a bit sad that there is a lot of plank work since I can't do that but even just with the stuff I am able to do - this is a very intense workout!!! I can tell you that this is going to be one I do often!!! I can see how it will really help!

Also - You are supposed to use weights for quite a bit of it. On my right side I held 5 lb and didn't even feel it. As a one handed girl the one arm I have is very strong. I need to get a heavier weight I think. The left side is another story. I had a (I think) good idea. I used an ankle weight around my wrist and held a 2 lb weight. It was REALLY hard. I have a hard time moving it anyway but I think that doing this will be really great therapy at the same time! Sweet!

What do you think? I may have to only use the ankle weight next time as is was REALLY hard to focus on trying to move my arm anyway without trying to lift and hold on to the weight.

I am really glad that I got this DVD (Thank You A) and I am excited to try the other one too - I think this afternoon. And there is still another one I can get!

Variety is the spice of life right!

Kind of Bummed

I have been counting calories, eating super good food, exercising like CRAZY.... and I lost 2 lbs. Really I should be thrilled but I can't help but wish it was a little more.... Because I gained back 4 lbs when I was sick I am 2 lbs away from just being at where I am on my ticker (I couldn't bear to move it up....).
I am trying to focus - to realise this is awesome.... to be happy that I AM healthier and stronger. I also am trying to figure out the weights thing so that I can step it up a bit - I also think I am going to get the Jillian Michaels DVD "No more trouble zones" that my cousin Alisa gave an awesome review for.
Meanwhile - we still haven't found the DVD remote. It kind of stinks to have a DVD changer that I can't use. I have a bunch of Pilate's DVD's that I loooove and miss doing. That will help too, I know!
So.... moving on - I am off to work out!

The search continues...

Don't you love it when you are soooo motivated and stuff just gets in your way? I have been doing really good at doing my pilates every day.... It is something that I can tell strenthens my body and stretches me out so well before a run!
Then we lost the DVD remote! Such a small thing to have happen, yet I can't do my pilates till we find it. We have searched and searched, cleaned and cleaned and so far, no remote. I told my sweet hubby - another day and I am just going to get a new one.
It is funny how sometimes it really is the little things that can get you down, but i am not going to let it! I am still doing all my other workouts and trying to do all I can remember from the DVD;)
Wish me luck in my search!

Wait... weights?

I recently asked on Facebook what my friends best weight loss tip was. Most of the responses were serious (though some said things like DQ)! On response has really gotten me thinking.... Weights.
Weights.... hmmmmm....
Weights?
Ok, here is the deal. I love weights but first of all.... can I do things like squats, lunges, Pilate's instead?
Second, they are nearly impossible for me. As explained at the bottom of my blog I have serious health problems and disabilities. I could lift with my right arm but not my left... will that help anything? Really, to do weights I need to join a gym and get a trainer. There is one about 45 minutes away but no babysitting (I think they have it for older kids....) . So, I would have to get a separate babysitter. That is a huge commitment. Especially when $ is tight.
I know the benefit of weights. I lifted a lot in HS and loved the muscle tone and definition I had then. I am sure I could get some of that back, but it is hard to realise that no matter what I do, I will never really be able to get that fully functional body back!
I have thoughts that I could trade babysitting with a friend to go to the gym... maybe I could win the lottery and get my own weightroom and a personal trainer to come every day or two and help me do the weights....
Any suggestions would be grately appreciated!

What to do, what to do....

I was really sick the past 2 weeks. REALLY sick. (Swine Flu, then a relapse with Bronchitis too.) And although I am feeling better now I can't seem to get back into the routine. Before I got sick I was walking at least an hour a day (hard - like 3.8-4 with incline variation) plus running every other day and doing pilates almost every day.
Now if I walk from the living room fro the kitchen I have to sit down. Yesterday I went into the playroom to put on a movie for the kids and I ended up falling asleep for an hour instead of hopping on the treadmill.
Any advice? How hard should you push it when your body is healing?
The really bad part... I ate almost nothing and even so gained 4 pounds.... so now I have to lose those all over again! REALLY bad for motivation, ya know?

My weapons to fight the bulge...

I have a lot of weapons in my possession to keep fat at bay! I am very blessed!
A few years ago we lived in my grandparents backyard for the summer (an internship) in a trailer that we had purchased at a very good price. With the money that we made when we sold it we invested in a very good treadmill! It is wonderful to have especially when the weather is to bad to take the kids outside in the jogging stroller (another weapon I have)!


My Aerofit! I love this thing. Someone recommended it to my parents and for a long time it was the only exercising I could do! It is a great no impact aerobic workout!!! Really good for the days when my body is in too much pain to walk on the treadmill or outside!

And finally - my newest toy! We found this on Craigslist for $70! It works awesome! We got it with the hope that I could strengthen up the muscles around my knees while working on my endurance so that I could maybe not shred my knees so bad when I try to run! So far it seems to be really working! I ran a mile and a half the other day and my knees didn't swell up! They hurt the next day but nothing like they usually do! Hooray!

But the greatest weapon I have is my love for these guys! They motivate me like nothing else! I want to be strong a healthy for them. Be a good example for them to follow! I want them to know that you don't have to accept the limitations that life and people try to put on you - you can do ANYTHING!!!!

I also want to be healthy enough that when they have their children I will be there for them, to do anything for them, to help them with all the challenges they will ever face!

Change of pace...

My awesome cousin Alisa has been doing a blog similar to this where she is able to talk about all things weight/health related! I love that! I love following it and seeing her progress. I decided to turn my personal thoughts blog into the same type of thing. Especially since it was mostly just used to be mad at myself during the last pregnancy.
I am hoping that I will be able to get positive feedback on this and it will help to motivate me in my goals.
Alisa just finished a half marathon and although I know I will never be able to do that because of too many health issues, I am trying to train for a 5K and am hoping to find some other types of fitness goals to motivate me!
Any suggestions?

The 'Breakdown'

(Taken from a post on my family blog a month or two ago....) I think my math has been off - so I really like the new ticker at the top of this blog! Makes it easier to keep track!

Today I want to talk weight. Here is the breakdown... I have just over 30 lbs to lose from what I gained with 'lil E. Plus an additional 10 lbs that I hadn't lost yet from H (she was only 9 months when I got preggers with lil E). Plus and additional 10 lbs that I gained just before getting preg with H because I was so depressed from all the miscarriages (5 in a row). So, there you have it, the breakdown of the weight loss needed! That would be 50 lbs.

Here is the good part! We (my J and I) figured out a rewards system for me! No, not ice cream or a cheat day....I love to read. Loooooove it! LOVE, lOvE, LoVe.... sigh.... Anyhow. I really like the Percy Jackson Book - "The Lightening Thief" So Every ten lbs lost equals a new book in the series and when I have lost it all - A NEW OUTFIT! YAY! We are talking jeans (they are so darn expensive so I NEVER buy the ones I love - Silvers), a cute top or two, shoes AND accessories! SUH-Weeet! I am so excited about this, and I just hope I can stop stressing so I will lose it!

I think about this as I brush my teeth!!!!

After I lose the baby weight

BUY - Levis 529 jeans!
Invest in CUTE tops that emphasize my great upper body (Charlotte Russe!) Like Belted tops!

I am at 30 weeks with this baby and I just figured out that I have been pregnant for 4.83 years. WOW! I have been married just 6 1/2. Poor Jonathan!!!! By the end of the pregnancy it will be over 5 years of pregnancy in just 6 1/2 years. (13 pregnancies - 4 kids!) My word. I think that my body needs a little bit of a break. If I took a two years break (a break meaning no pregnancies at all, not even miscarriages) it would be a very good thing, not just for our marriage... but for my poor body! Sheesh. Just the gaining and losing weight constantly has got to be a little taxing on a person! And this litle one would be 2 and then by the time the next (and most likely last) baby came she would be nearly 3! i just hope that things will work out like that!!!

You might not be totally in step with the latest fashions and pop culture trends, but that's okay -- people who know more about the lives of celebrities than the lives on their own friends are pretty lame. Celebrate the many strengths you do have -- like the strong, grounded side of your personality. Let it guide you today. Instead of shopping, you will be drawn to simple pleasures like gardening, hiking, or taking a walk with a friend. Relax and feel happy with yourself.


That was my horoscope today, is it sad that it was sooo fitting? I feel gross and out of fashion but I just don't really care right now. I just want to play in the backyard and go on hike and stuff! In a couple of months I will have another sweet child in my arms, how amazing is that? Then I can worry later about losing the weight and being cute again!

Last night I was talking to my hubby and he said he still keeps dreaming that this baby is born a boy. I told him I have had the same thing and that maybe we are being told that there is still a little boy up there waiting to come to us. it seems logical to me. If we both feel/dream about a boy and this is a girl... then we must be supposed to have another little one.
I have been STARVING!!! I am a little worried about my Dr appointment tommorow because I have just been eating all day! What are you supposed to do when you are super super hungry? Starve? I am guessing/hoping that the baby is going through a growth spurt! I already feel sooooo fat and gross, I can't believe I still have so much longer to go! I know it is all so worth it but It is still hard to feel nasty like this. I can't figure out how some women are able to limit their weight gains. I eat good (usually - not the past 2-3 days) and I try to get exersize.... I guessI am just not making enough of an effort so, there ya go! I better step it up! It helps that it is startingto be really nice outside! It is so much easier to walk outside than on the treadmill, and plus the kids are contained - I don't have to 'waste' their nap time working out!

I am so stinking mad right now. I want to do fun things with the kids but they make it IMPOSSIBLE!!!! I asked them this morning to clean the playroom so that we could do fun stuff. And asked...and asked.... and finally it is 12:30 so I make lunch and they promise that after lunch they will clean it. So After lunch I mop the kitchen and give them ANOTHER hour on top of that.... Then I finally send them to their room. I just can't deal with it. Why does it have to be like this? Why can't they just do a 15 minute project in 15 minutes and be done so that we can have fun???? I had planned on a movie this morning, lunch, a trip to Sonic for ice cream, play place at the mall (after I returned some stuff) , and playing games all afternoon. Instead I got a couple of kids who are grumpy and still refuse to clean. I don't want to do it for them because they start thinking that if they put it off Mom will do it for them every time. What am I supposed to do?????? I feel like such a failure as a mother for not being able to figure out something that seems so simple - getting your kids to clean up after themselves. Especially when there are awesome rewards involved. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

Today I am so completely exhausted. I feel like laying on the couch is draining. I know I am not eating as healthy as I should be and havn't been exersizing very good. It is such a double edged sword. You are so tired that you can't exersize that it makes you more tired from not exersizing... GRRRRRR! I want more energy to keep the house clean and play with my beautiful kids! I have been doing so good but I just can't do any more today... The worst part is that today is when we are celebrating V-day so I really wanted to have a clean house for J. Oh well.... you get what you get and you don't throw a fit, right? That is what the kids always say, although Russ also says, "You get what you get and then throw a fit..." Stinker! He has also been saying lately, "I love you so much Mom, I will never forget your name!" Isn't that FUNNY!!!!!???? I love these silly kids!

My first post on the new blog!

Ok - Jen told me this is what she is doing for a journal, and it just makes sence! I never remember to write in mine and when I do it is too sloppy to read and needs serious editing if I want my posterity to ever read it so.... here we go! Plus - it is soooo much faster to type than to write! I am excited about this and I suppose I could "blurb" it into a book someday if I want! Good stuff! ~K